


#1 Radio Booty

by HiramForMayor



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, M/M, Second-Hand Embarrassment, carlos has a cat, cecil embroiders, is it really crack if its night vale though, so much, so much of those first two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiramForMayor/pseuds/HiramForMayor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After the initial shock, Carlos completely ignored the underwear that mysteriously started to appear in his apartment. He thought it was the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home at first. She _did_ have a fondness for rearranging his personal belongings, but Carlos realized that the undergarments didn’t even belong to him. While a few of them were basic plaid boxers or solid briefs, most were a little…loud…for his taste. Quite a few pairs sparkled in strategic places or boasted short phrases like “CUTE” and “BABE” embroidered on the back.

_Maybe it’s some sort of consumer testing?_

The most scientifically interesting, however, was a pair found underneath the coffee table: a pair of black, high cut briefs edged with purple lace that, embarrassingly, made Carlos’s heart race as he thought about who could possibly pull them off.

_That cute radio host, I bet._

He shuddered and pushed the thought out of his head; he hasn't even worked up the nerve to talk to Cecil about anything other than science. He _knew_  Cecil liked him and Carlos _knew_ he liked Cecil too, but his expectations of Carlos were so high! He couldn't help but be nervous of ruining the image of perfection that Cecil had of him. He settled for listening to his radio show from the comfort of his own apartment, letting the waves of a beautiful voice saying beautiful words wash over him.

A few days later, Carlos solved most of the mystery as he caught Nova—his adopted Tabby cat—strolling into the apartment through the pet door with a pair of briefs in his mouth.

“Oh Nova, you silly thing! Where have you been getting these?!” Carlos sometimes wondered if Nova would ever actually talk back to him. He was in the most scientifically interesting community in the United States after all.

Carlos gingerly plucked the pair out of the cat’s mouth to place it into the paper Ralph’s bag he had been keeping the mysterious underwear in. He noticed some spirally, cursive words embroidered on the back of the briefs and started to read them, only to shriek and fling the underwear across the living room.

**_#1 Radio Booty_ **

Carlos’s face reddened as he thought about all the cute underwear he’s been unintentionally collecting through his kleptomaniac cat, especially those purple lace ones he already imagined Cecil in the other day. Every pair he'd seen over the past few days raced through his head, but this time on the body of the radio host that pined over him since he arrived in Night Vale.

_Has Nova somehow been taking these from Cecil’s home? That’d be absolutely ridiculous. Maybe it’s a coincidence._

_But Cecil really does have a nice booty. Probably the best. I’ll have to run some tests to make sure. One day._


	2. Chapter 2

Carlos couldn't figure out the least creepy way to return any of the underwear to Cecil. He wasn't even scientifically sure that they belonged to him! It also seemed wrong to donate or throw any of them away; many of them were very nice. ( _Is that hand-embroidered?_  ) It was very distracting though, to have so much of (potentially) Cecil’s private clothing in his possession.

Despite the underwear fiasco, Carlos continued on with his nightly listening of Cecil’s radio show. ( _It’s for scientific purposes! It’s very important to know the town through the eyes of such an important community member!)_ The ritual usually provided Carlos a relaxing way to end his day, but tonight’s show only filled Carlos with anxiety.

**_Listeners, this may seem strange. And possibly out of place. But are any of you experiencing loss? I mean, more than the casual loss of friends, family, and purpose. Those losses are normal and can be dealt with very easily. What I mean is the loss of something material. Things material. Things very…private… Things very personal. Things usually only shared with yourself and, if you are lucky, another human being. A very close human being. I asked the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home but she said that even these “things” are of no interest to her. Oh! Wait! Listeners! AWHHH. There’s a cat in my studio! The cutest little Tabby! Oh who let you in little guy? You are so cute; you should totally meet Khosh—WAIT. What’s in your mouth? WAIT A MINUTE, YOU…CAT. ARE THOSE MY—uhm. Excusemelisteners but I must chase this cat right now for very important journalistic purposes. I TAKE YOU NOW, TO THE WEATHER._ **

Carlos didn’t know whether to freeze in fear to the couch cushions or to leap up and find the nearest void to jump into because he knew exactly where that damn cat was running off to. The weather, a moody rock ballad,  played on through the living room as Carlos’s mind raced.

_Maybe I have time to make it to the lab? Maybe Cecil won’t realize it’s my cat and that this is my apartment and—_

Carlos’s thoughts were cut off as he heard pounding footsteps and an all-too-familiar voice booming through the apartment building’s hallway.

“HEY! THAT IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE PAIR. I EMBROIDERED THAT MYSELF. SO MUCH BLOOD!”

In a quick minute of thinking, Carlos sprang up from the couch, turned off the radio, and locked the door. Maybe if Nova didn't get in, Cecil could just take the underwear from him and leave without ever knowing Carlos was involved.

He forgot about the damn pet door.

Nova popped through the door with another ( _Gulp._ ) lacy pair of briefs, this time with embroidered words that Carlos couldn't make out while in the cat’s mouth. Shortly after, to Carlos’s horror and surprise, Cecil’s head also popped through the pet door.

“Hello? Kitty? Can I _please_ have that back? Or…is anyone here? Hellooooo— OH! Carlos!”

Carlos, standing beside the door with his hand still on the lock, and Cecil, crouched outside the apartment with his head through a pet door, stared at each other in uncomfortable silence for what felt like years; it was literally very uncomfortable for Cecil. Carlos took a while to realize this.

“Oh my golly goodness Cecil I am so sorry please let me open the door for you I mean the actual door not the pet door please come in.” He frantically unlocked the door and attempted to swing it open, only to realize that he didn't give Cecil time to get _out_ of the pet door. “Cecil, I am so sorry! Are you hurt?”

Rubbing his neck as he got up off the floor, Cecil still managed to smile so blindingly bright at Carlos as he told him that he was fine. Both the scientist and the radio host were blushing furiously as Carlos directed Cecil to the couch with an outstretched arm as he fumbled to close the door again.

Cecil was the first to break the silence. "I have a cat too! Well...he's not exactly MY cat and he's a lot more...stationary!"

"Khoshekh? You've mentioned him on the radio."

"You...I...I didn't know you listened to my show!" Cecil beamed at him.

_Only every time you're on._

But obviously Carlos couldn't say that. Instead, "Well. What with. Science. Uhm. I listen for strictly non-personal reasons. Professional reasons. Scientific reasons." He could feel the blood burning his cheeks. “It’s very helpful to my science. It’s uh…very good. It’s a very good show, Cecil.” He glanced at the floor to make sure his stomach didn’t literally drop to the ground like the last Intern death Cecil had reported on. He glanced back up and Cecil’s met his gaze. That smile was going to be the death of Carlos.

_How is he so calm and collected? I was basically collecting his underwear through my cat!_

“That’s so sweet of you Carlos! I’m glad I’m helping you with your science! I’m always happy to help out the scientific community!”

“Cecil.”

“Yes, Carlos?”

“I’m really sorry about my cat.” Carlos refused to look at him or even sit on the couch. He was still glued to the door handle in shame and embarrassment. “I…uh…I still have everything he took if you want them back. I mean, you might want to wash them very thoroughly but…” The embarrassment was almost painful. “I didn’t throw any of them away, a lot of them were very nice and I would have given them back to you but I wasn't sure who they belonged to until today during your show but you ran over here so quickly—how did you do that?—and I didn’t get the chance to properly…”

“It’s okay, Carlos, really. Thank you for not throwing them away.” Cecil was suddenly turning a furious shade of purple that Carlos wanted to study _so badly._ “Uhm. I’m actually missing quite a lot.”

Carlos left his post at the door to retreat to his bedroom and fetch the paper Ralph’s bag with Nova's collection of Cecil's underwear. He caught the damn cat sitting on his bed, glowering at Carlos as he pawed at his latest catch. Carlos glared back, snatched the pair from him and took the opportunity to read “VOID” on the back of the lacy briefs before throwing them into the bag.

“I’m so sorry, again. I don’t know why Nova would do this.” Carlos walked back into the living room and gingerly handed Cecil the bag.

Cecil patted the couch space next to him and Carlos reluctantly sat down. “You know, it’s actually not uncommon for cats these days to start up klepto-collecting as a hobby! Mason Goodwell’s cat started collecting tea infusers from people’s homes about a year ago. Old Woman Josie keeps hers locked up now. I’m sure Khoshekh would too but he’s a little limited. But no pet is perfect! It becomes perfect—“

“—when you learn to accept it for what it is.” Carlos finished without even thinking about it.

“You _do_ listen to me!” Carlos’s heart stuttered as Cecil sighed and his cheeks flushed that pretty shade of purple again. “I’m just very embarrassed that you had to see all this.” Cecil gently kicked at the bag sitting on the ground next to him. “They’re a little weird; I know.”

“I’m really embarrassed too. I didn’t want you to think I was some pervert collecting your underwear.” Carlos felt a little braver now; evidence suggested that Cecil wasn't upset with him. “They’re not weird though. I mean, you embroidered them yourself! I think that’s so…( _Don’t be weird, Carlos. Don’t be weird._ )…neat!”

Carlos felt like he did something very right, daring to poke fun at him, because Cecil was helplessly giggling on his couch with his usually well-kept hair still disheveled from chasing Nova and the lingering shade of what _has_ to be purple blood running just beneath the surface of his face.

“You are the most beautiful and scientifically interesting thing I've discovered in all of Night Vale.”

He _really_ didn’t mean to say that out loud, but there it was. He (unintentionally) put it out there. Carlos didn’t know that this evening could get any more embarrassing and awful and then—

Cecil leaned over and pressed their lips together. Everything was perfect.

But he does keep his underwear in a locked drawer now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks SO MUCH for reading. Trying to write a fanfic for the first time has given me a whole new appreciation for the art.  
> Any critiques are so so so welcome, especially since I wrote this pretty much in one shot straight through, no beta. 
> 
> Also, yes, I completely ignored the fact that Carlos is canonically allergic to cats.


End file.
